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04|05|1942 12:04 pm EDT

PETA Names Mike Berkens Coolest Domainer Dog Lover of the Year

by Adam Strong in Categories: Miscellaneous


Following yesterday’s scathing letter to Godaddy CEO Bob Parsons naming him Scummiest CEO of the Year, pet loving organization PETA has announced Mike Berkens the winner of their CDDLOTY award.  Berkens and his wife Judy

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04|01|1942 02:24 pm EDT Add John Edward to Team

by Adam Strong in Categories: April 1

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Please note that the following is a parody intended for April Fools day 2011.

Domain Guardians are on cloud nine with the addition of John Edward to their team. “We’re beside ourselves to have John on board.” says Director Jen Sale.

The addition of Edward to the Domain Guardians team provides the group with an unprecedented level of expertise to help domain name owners and their loved ones manage domain names from this life and on to the next. Edward’s ability to communicate with the “other side” will give the Guardians a tool that no other domain service provider can offer.

Sale continued, “We’re also excited to publish John’s Domain Predictions on our website. Apparently .biz is making a comeback in a big way!”

John also expressed his eagerness to work with Domain Guardians, “I couldn’t dream of a better gig and group of people to work with! And I only hope this brings me one step closer to owning the .com version of my name. I know who you are . . .”

04|01|1942 12:27 pm EDT

Mike Cohen Announces His Latest Startup: Reputation Destroyer

by Shane Cultra in Categories: April 1

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Please note that the following is a parody intended for April Fools day 2011.

Mike Cohen, through a press release, introduced his latest project Reputation Destroyer.  A company that will provide the service of bad mouthing, demeaning, and belittling your competition, enemies, or old girlfriends.

Using the power of the Internet, Cohen and his new company will provide you the ability to rank first on Google for anything negative you’d like to have posted about your new enemy.  Want them to suck? Done.  Want them to appear to hire illegal 12 year Vietnamese girls to sort mail at the office? Done.  Perhaps you want to spread a rumor that this person was an inside shill bidder or unethically looked at the who behind the whois.  They already proved they could do it in their beta testing.

Cohen is the man with an incredibly long history of success on the Internet.  He has been making things happen on the web for over 8 years.  Whether it be porn traffic monetization, mini site development, or blogging, he’s seen two Presidents come and go during the building of his empire.

Cohen and his company WannaDevelop, initially offered two free trials of his service and they were quickly snapped up.  The first two users chose Rob Monster/ Epik, and Chef Patrick, as the reputations to be destroyed.  The first two customers seem pretty happy with his work and are pleased with the results.  As a bonus to his first customer, Cohen will be throwing in for free a nice little story about the impending “100% Guarantee Claims” against Epik that are due to be paid out.

Reputation Destroyer will be coming out of Beta today he will be only taking 10 customers per week in order to concentrate on the “crushing of each reputation”.  A premium service will also be offered in time that will enable the person whose reputation is being damaged to pay double the rate and Cohen will pretend he never received the initial email.

As an added bonus, all of our readers who use the code COHENISNOTMYREALNAME will receive a free “Charlie Sheen is a Bitch” t-shirt with a completed transaction.

04|01|1942 10:37 am EDT

Save Kittens and Save Money – Transfer To NameCheap

by Adam Strong in Categories: April 1

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Please note that the following is a parody intended for April Fools day 2011, Namecheap actually set up the coupon code named below.

Namecheap logoIn response to Go Daddy CEO Bob Parsons latest announcement regarding hunting problem kittens, NameCheap has made a unique special offer to domain owners. You can transfer up to 10  .com/.net/.org domain name to Namecheap for $4.99 through the end of the day on April 1, 2011 (11:59PM EST).

In addition to the low priced domain transfer, the company will donate $1.00 for every transfer to the non-profit Los Angeles Kitten Rescue organization.  The company is taking a loss on these transfers as domain registration far exceed $4.99.

To take advantage of the special offer, you need to use coupon code SAVEPUSSY .  There is a 10 domain name transfer limit.

Editor Note : Prices of .org and .biz increase today so this is an even better deal given the price increases

UPDATE : Namecheap is playing along with our gag and really running this deal

04|01|1942 10:21 am EDT

Source Claims Schwartz and Ruddell Feud Biggest Stunt Yet

by Adam Strong in Categories: April 1, Domainers

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Please note that the following is a parody intended for April Fools day 2011.

DNN has received an insider tip from a Miami Beach domainer who informs us that he has spotted Chef Patrick and Rick Schwartz together enjoying dinner with Alina Schwartz, Howard and Barbara Neu, Ray Dillman, and an unidentified young male.  Photographs sent from our sources mobile phone are a bit blurry but by the looks of it Chef (in green on the right next to the male in pink pants) and Schwartz (at the head of the table) seem to be enjoying a dinner together.  Smiles all around.  Our source says there was lots of “laughing and high-fiving.”

The most revealing part is our source claims to have overheard the 2 conference organizers plotting and scheming.  “They were talking about what they were going to do next and how they really pulled one over on everyone”   You have to hand it to Ruddell and Schwartz, these guys really know how to get people talking about them.  Their recent feud over Ruddell’s reported breach of whois privacy has garnered hundreds of comments on their respective blogs and drawn attention to both men.  As they say “There’s no such thing as bad press” . . . fake press, well that’s a different story.

04|01|1942 08:30 am EDT

GoDaddy’s Bob Parsons Hunts Down Problem Kittens

by Adam Strong in Categories: April 1

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Please note that the following is a parody intended for April Fools day 2011.

Bob Parsons, CEO of domain registrar, announced today that his 2012 vacation hunt will be to Peterville, Illinois where Parsons will go on a kitten hunting expedition. Parsons, an avid hunter, recently posted videos of his 2011 hunting vacation in Zimbabwe where he helped local farmers kill a problem elephant.

This time Parsons will have his work cut out for him. “Kittens are really fast animals and really small” says Bob. “I’m going to need at least a 50 cal for this hunt.” The city of Peterville, population 723, has provided Parsons and his 20 person safari team with permits, right of way, as well as the key to the city. In addition to being rid of these problem kittens, the residents of Peterville will be provided with free Asian cuisine, and free tube tops. Franklin Campbell, the Mayor of Peterville, talked about the problem “They (the cats) claw up the arms of chairs, they poop in sand boxes. One even drank milk right from Ethel Taylor’s milk bucket. It’s just a mess over here.”

When questioned about the need to hunt kittens Parsons stated “There are occasions all over the world where people fall prey to these kittens. Problem animals need to be killed and Peterville needs our help.”    PETA officials recently named Parsons the Scummiest CEO of the Year, but have yet to respond to this recent news.

04|01|1942 06:09 am EDT

Free Speech Coalition Announces Plans for .xxxxx New TLD

by Adam Strong in Categories: April 1

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Please note that the following is a parody intended for April Fools day 2011.

After countless attempts to block ICANN approval of the .xxx extension, the Free Speech Coalition announced a new strategy today. “We’re applying for dot-quintuple-X” says Executive Director, Diane Duke. “Until now we have been forced to work within the constraints of the ICANN process. FSC is now free to explore all options and we believe this is the best option possible.”

In a poll held on the adult industry website, adult industry insiders voted unanimously that five Xs was a much better representative of adult content than a mere three.  Four Xs wasn’t enough and six was considered over-the-top by the insiders.  “What’s better that Triple-X ?  Quintuple-X !” exclaimed webmaster Mike Oxlong.  “It might be a longer extension, but in our business, a longer extension is always better.”


04|01|1942 05:11 am EDT

Demand Media CEO Rosenblatt’s Real Boat

by Adam Strong in Categories: April 1, Up to the Minute

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Please note that the following is a parody intended for April Fools day 2011.

In recent news TechCrunch reported that had revealed Richard Rosenblatt’s $40 million yacht is named Ad Sense.  Well the joke’s on all of you. Arrington got you guys!  DNN has learned the actual story straight from the Demand Media CEO’s Facebook page. He doesn’t actually own a yaucht (sic).  He only has a small power boat for wakeboarding and it’s not named Ad Sense.  It’s named Cyber SqWater.  ;)